So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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