We named our party play list daddy issues
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
