STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
