I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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