she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
