Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
