we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
