Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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