Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
