She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
