i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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