I wish you could order shots online.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
