those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
