My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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