last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize