You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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