She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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