We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
