Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
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She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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