Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
