you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
