So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think I just shit out all my problems.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
