Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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