I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
