She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
