Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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