Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
