i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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