Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
