I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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