Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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