someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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