He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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