We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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