you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
