u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
