dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
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If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
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I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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