Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
