Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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