Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
