wat bout pragnant strippers??
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
