I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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