The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
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He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
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My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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