peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You ate ashes out of my bong
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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