I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
