I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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