The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
