she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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