woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
