I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
