Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
