sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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