how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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