My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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