i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
