my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
