just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
