We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
