i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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