I want to walk on stilts...naked
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
where does the pee come out of this thing
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
