don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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