yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Randomize
