if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
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