While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
