My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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