Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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