I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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