I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
