He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
