i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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