We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
